Carer speaks with ABC Radio Melbourne about Carer Gateway
Published October 20 2020
Carer Gateway helping carers in crisis rediscover their identity and sense of self
Evanette Meager first became a carer in 2014 for her son – and has since struggled between the transition of mother to carer, facing a number of challenges and crises along the way until she engaged with Carer Gateway. She spoke with ABC Radio Melbourne 774 about her experience. Click the video link to hear the interview.
Evanette's son, who was diagnosed with Autism when four, started noticeably falling behind his peers when he was 11. This was the start of Evanette’s carer role.
“I struggled over the years to transition between the roles of mother to carer. I tried seeking help from counsellors and other support services to better understand this role, but there was no support to help me understand this transition and how to regain my sense of self,” Evanette said.
“When my son is stressed or anxious, he will smash walls, break doors and other items so all my personal things have been packed up for the past few years. I’ve become withdrawn and immersed in this role. That’s why I ended up losing all my friends and, in the end, my sense of self.
I was trapped, isolated and locked away from the outside world. Nobody understood the challenges we faced. There was so much organisation and planning involved for any outings or social events to manage my son’s anxieties and prevent any violent outbursts.
Over the years, I have been putting my son first as a mother and a carer. By the time I reached out for help, I had completely lost sight of myself. We engaged a number of support services to build my son’s independence. Every time I tried to discuss how I was coping; I was constantly reminded that I am not the client. They could not help me with my identity crisis or breakdowns.”
However, after being referred to Carer Gateway by a social worker who was supporting her son, Evanette finally started to get the support she needed and regain a sense of self which was, until recently, lost.
“It was such a weight lifted off my shoulders after the first consultation. I was asked about my experience, my feelings and my needs. It was the first time I had heard anyone say that to me since I became a carer,” Evanette said.
“Carer Gateway has been an anchor for me since – especially during my son’s recent psychotic and violent episode where I had to lock myself away for protection. I managed to leave the situation and find separate accommodation with the help of Carer Gateway and I’m now safely caring for my son.
I had never been given this support. Support to become a person again, to do things that interest me personally and help me as a carer. I’m on the path to becoming myself again – the old me who I thought was sacrificed to become a carer for my son.
So many of us don’t know that we are carers. We devalue ourselves and put our identity and our needs aside to care for someone else. Without Carer Gateway we would not be able to regain our sense of self and rediscover our identity.”
Find out more at www.carergateway.gov.au or phone 1800 422 737 8am – 8pm weekdays.